his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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