remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
