Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
