I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
