who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
