I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
