when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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