Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
