Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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