the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
