I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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