I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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