This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it's like heaven, but drunker
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
