Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize