I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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