k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
