bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
