Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
