Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
