I am in a vortex of obligation.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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