i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
