Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
