isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize