I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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