My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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