Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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