what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
