Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
