if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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