She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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