I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
