They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
