im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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