just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize