Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
