I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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