i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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