...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
