Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Drunk is not a location!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
