I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Less talking, more tequila
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
