Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this will be a night to untag.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Randomize
