? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
