there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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