Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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