Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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