what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
