She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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