I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
