I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
