Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
home. puking in laundry basket.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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