Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Bring me that man meat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
