So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
