i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
