Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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