hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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