It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
