I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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