took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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