but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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