The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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