What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
please come you make the beer taste better
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
