just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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