you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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