I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
